sdvanaleigh

Archive for December, 2008|Monthly archive page

….untitled….

In poems for thought on December 29, 2008 at 6:53 am

 

    Trying to fight back the tears of frustration and confusion I’m lost in my own complexities and I wonder why

    Can’t say that I have ever had any real answer to cure the frustrations can’t say that I have anything I just know

    What I understand is that my life is on a preordered plan one of which I can’t seem to control although I try

    In my desperate attempts I see fragments of who I want to be and should be but I fall short of the me I want

    I don’t want these feelings of loss, have no use for laments of depression but here is where I sit even if I start anew    

    I pray and ask God to help me find my way out, but it seems as if these prayers fall on unread letters

    Surely he’s heard my cries and I somehow have a sense that things will be ok but the waiting is what kills me

    But I know all the same that the waiting is what is within the plan, though I can’t seem to save me from myself

    Much as I might try I’m never saved from the heart ache, I have so much going on I feel as if I am timeless

    Without the time I cannot complete anything and I feel rushed carry this load with such intensity stress written all over my face

    If money were the cure to my frustrations I might be ok for a while but I think that they’d find me again anyway

 

    sdv

 

Listening to : Brandy, Human 2008

Keston Karter Yum-o hottie of the Week!!!

In yum-o hottie of the week on December 29, 2008 at 6:01 am

So today I got this random friends request from this gent on myspace and I bout fell out my chair omg he is freaking gorgeous! Wowsers ladies why does the great lord above do this to us lol I can’t believe men that look like this really exist lol.

Mr. Karter you so fine I had to post three of your pics this week!

wish i was in the bed with that! lol

wish i was in the bed with that! lol

Brought to you courtsey of his official myspace page www.myspace.com/kestonkarter and www.kestonkarter.com

check’em out girls and he’s got calenders, although I’m not sure who’s buying pin ups of men if thats your thing you can check him at the listed sites.

Tired of the Unofficial Girl Status

In Uncategorized on December 29, 2008 at 5:43 am

listening to my itunes i came across this song that expresses my sentiments exactly

cassie’s official girl…love that song…the production is crazy…the vocals are not really there but she sounds decent with music so i could care less lol

Here’s a Thought…

In losing my mind on December 24, 2008 at 2:37 am

Today sitting at work I found myself breezing through some of my new fav’s…bloggers, and I realized somethings about myself. I spend about 90% of my day in front of a computer mostly surfing the internet, specifically reading blogs about this and that. In the middle of all my readings I came back to a statement I made to a friend a few days ago and it got me to thinking.

Late Sunday night during a deep conversation with KJ I said that I have an addictive personality so when I start something I have to finish it. It’s this compulsion in me to see everything I start through til the end. I said that I wished I had never gone to college or that I shouldn’t have gone to college because with my addictive personality I have this compulsion to get through it even if it seems pointless, leaves me frustrated, confused and leaping from university to university. Which makes me ask the question I once had the answer to,  is college for everyone? I have to say no because at this point it is apparently not for me as I am starting to see. But I feel so obligated to finish I’ve been at this hustle for so long I can’t see quitting now. So what do I do? Pay back all those damn school loans and have not a thing to show for it, yeah somehow I don’t see where that would be acceptable. But I guess the argument there is, what is acceptable to me? And on this matter I have no honest answer because just as soon as I say let’s quit I feel inadequate and that’s not a feeling I like to sit with. So what do I do? I’ve taken time off more times then I’d like to admit I’ve worked in the working world but hell without that piece of paper which indicates that I can be taught my ass is grass and I am headed no where fast! I’m not one to like living check to check so I don’t intend to, I’m against a trillion odds should I try to win the lotto, and I’m not for working a job that I hate because when you hate your job it is so draining having to show up everyday not to mention how it can help to make you feel as if you’re loosing your mind as I do on most days…lol. But what the buck do I do?

I know, I know you’re probably saying find something you like and delve into that, but my issue is that I like so many things I don’t know where to start.

Why is it that starting is always the trouble? Hopefully with 2008 coming to a close I’ll get the answers I seek come 2009.

sdv

Jensen Ackles Yumo of the Week!!

In yum-o hottie of the week on December 23, 2008 at 6:07 am

I love men of all nationalities….and thank goodness cause this boy right here is a hottie! I Love’em and Supernatural is my ish! Here is Dean and all his bad ass-ness glory!

Dean Winchester aka Jensen

Dean Winchester aka Jensen

Do They Represent Dissension Amongst Americans?

In i'm just saying, sdv on the world on December 23, 2008 at 5:50 am
The Obama's

The Obama's

I like to believe that they do not represent a dissension of any kind, as to me they are a real portrait of American families throughout the US. Granted they are African-American, they represent an ethnicity which is something far different from what we’re used to seeing in the white house. I love them and I’m proud of the country we live in because of what they represent in today’s world. And if you’re slow they represent the infinite possibilities that America was or is supposed to be about. But everyday I seem to see more and more dissension and I have to ask what the hell is that about? If we’re a country that represents equal opportunity why is it that everyone so mad about a black man in the white house, oh ad to be real technical he is biracial so there is a little bit of everyone in the white house.

Dare I ask, but is there more prejudice-ness in the air?

SDV

Through Anything They Made It

In A Bit of Inspiration on December 19, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Beyonce in Etta James's fierce-ness

Beyonce in Etta James's fierce-ness

Last night I watched a few movies, the one that struck closest to my center was Cadillac Records more so then the others. For some reason what I took from that movie was that through anything they made it. They lived their dreams even if that meant life and death and I guess it made me reevaluate some things or its making see things a little differently. During a conversation with my mom she said that life can be pretty cruel but if you have hope then it helps to make life a little bit easier and right now I’m trying to find the hope.

To be continued…

SDV

Yeah I don’t know about this…

In random on December 19, 2008 at 12:10 am

Found today via some youtubers talking about it and all I have to say is wow.  I know that back in the day and I mean waaaay back in the day thats all they had but omg this is just too much for me! I could do that six months and boo boo is getting off the nipple! Click the link, I haven’t master the art of posting videos yet.

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/breastfeeding-for-the-virtual-nurse-in/3751333996

Henry Simmons Yumo of the week!

In yum-o hottie of the week on December 18, 2008 at 6:55 pm

This is yet another man I find so insanely beautiful omg! I’d knock my own self out for a night on the town with this one he is great-o-licious!!!

Oh and what I love about this particular shot is that it doesn’t even look like him but when you do double take its like daaaaaamn he got it like that lmao love it!

hot tamle!

hot tamle!

Conversations

In dating impaired on December 18, 2008 at 6:24 pm

 

    So a few weeks ago I had a conversation with the guy I like and here’s how it went:

        “Tell me how you feel” me

        “Well I think that you’re sweet and caring and funny…”he pauses

        “Ok…” I listen intently to the silence.

        “Well say something”

        “You didn’t answer my question”

        “Yes I did”

        “No really you didn’t you told me what you think and I understand what you think it’s and that wasn’t answering the question.” I said getting a little annoyed.

        “Well what’s the question, stop beating around the bush and ask me what you want to know.”

        “Well…”I stammer feeling the butterflies rise in my tummy. I hate to deal with how I feel and because I like this dude even hearing how he feels is scary somehow.

        “How do you feel about me? You’ve already told me what you think, now I want to know how you feel…” I say with an instant force of confidence, now he stammers and I can hear the uneasiness in his voice.

        “Well I…I like you….I do and I care more about you then you think and man I hate talking about my feelings. I never said anything or thought anything of it because I figured you were always so busy doing your thing         with all your friends…I never thought you even thought of me like that” he says still sounding uneasy and I just listen never saying a word.

        “Why are you so quiet say something”

        “I’m just listening to you”

 

    Now it’s a month later after that conversation and nothing is really different and not that I expected things to be different but I thought that they might be. We just talk through text messages or on the phone late at night but nothing more than that he’s been out of town on business for a few weeks and when he comes back I’ll be so busy that we probably won’t see each other hell I’m doubtful that I’ll see anyone. Maybe I’ll see him at some point but part of me wonders if that’s even what I want to do.

SDV ANALEIGH