Accepting The Realities of Your Relationship

Do you ever find yourself consumed with thoughts about the things you hate about your relationship? Today I came to that realization, I find myself preaching to friends and family members all the time about learning to accept someone or a situation for what it is but yet here I am in this dating relationship doing the exact thing I tell others not to. Attempting to force a square into a round hole, dumb I know but just can’t help myself. I don’t know what it is about “us” humans, we can tell everyone else how something should be done but when it pertains to our own lives we’re constantly screwing things up. I know for myself that’s been the story of my life, even now I’m sitting here laughing and shaking my head at how foolish I’ve been for a few months now.

I’ve been dating this pretty cool individual for a few months now and there is this one thing going on that annoys the crap out of me. Truth be told it’s not a constant issue although it happens way more than I would like. I have this thing with electronic communication, if I text you I expect to get a text back within a reasonable amount of time and when I don’t it irks the crap out of me. In my mind it literally takes 2.5 seconds to respond to a text message and in today’s world we send and receive text messages all day long and hell some of us could probably do it in our sleep. So I don’t understand why when I text him he doesn’t just text me right back then and there. It’s like pulling teeth with him sometimes, now I understand that there will be times when he’s unable to do so because he is a fairly busy man but my goodness 2.5 seconds is nothing, read what I’ve sent and respond and be done with it, right?? Most of my female friends agree with me on that but some of my male friends are like “well maybe he’s just not that type of dude” which blows my mind because again in my mind it takes 2.5 seconds to respond to a text so how could he not be that type of dude and further more what the hell does that type of dude mean? More questions that don’t have answers ugh!

Textual communicating

Learning to except someone for who they are is not always the easiest task but I am trying or at least now I am trying harder to do so. So what he doesn’t always text me right back, no big deal right? Well as long as it is not a consistent habit, trying not to sweat it is going to be a test for me but I figure if I make the effort he’ll make an effort to do other things I ask.

COMPROMISE sometimes we need to embody the change we want.

SDV

P.S~ Yes Sleepy I’m talking about you lol Smooches

Learning To Let Go

I think that I have yet to learn the art of truly walking away from something or someone. Somehow or another I always end up right back where I started. Believe that’s due to the familiarity and comfort of an old situation but that doesn’t mean I need to descend down the rabbit hole I once climbed out of.

I need to do this more often

What about you guys? Do you ever find yourself back tracking even though you know that’s not what’s best for you or the situation? My sister used to tell me all the time about how she couldn’t have sex with new people because it was so awkward, I thought that was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard until I found myself in that position minus the sex. I have no issues in getting to know new people but becoming intimate with them, divulging personal information and swapping life stories all seems next to impossible sometimes. Most likely because I haven’t let go of something or someone else. I’m thinking that I should approach each new encounter with an opportunity of friendship, at least that way I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable in the beginning stages of getting to know someone new. Either way I still need someone to teach me the art of letting go!

SDV

Touching Down on this Planet

So yet again love is over for me or atleast no where near my realm of living. As I stated last the guy I was seeing is now over and to be honest I’m not as upset about it as I thought I might be. Its funny but I’m good, like really good which amazes me because I did like him so much, guess I felt it coming. I will admit that I was hurt when the final verdict came down but truth be told the situation was what it was and I can’t even be mad at him for it. He couldn’t see me beyond his last relationship, there were too many things about me that reminded him of his ex and he couldn’t deal with me because of that. I think its unfair but i understand the situation for what it was just another learning experience. I do feel like I’ve wasted time but again I’m not even mad about it I kinda just don’t give a damn, is that so wrong?

SDV

I’ve Been M.I. A

Yeah this week and last week was my vacation from life sort of lol be back with more soon enough. Brief updates, I am on a dating hiatus until further notice. The guy I was dealing doesn’t know what the hell he wants so in short I can no longer roll with the punches at the expense of my feelings being murdered. So over that! As for other things I am over…people in general! Starting to realize how much a “woe is me” magnet I am, people always come to me with their problems but I never get the favor returned, so yeah I’m super over that shit too!

New phrase “I don’t give a shit, tell someone who does!”

SDV

my eye are closed cause i'm trying to block them out!

A Leave of Absence

So I’ve been gone for a good little while now more so because I was going through so shit and true indeed it was and still is shit! You ever date someone or see someone and find out all the things you thought were the truth about this person were complete fabrications of what he or she wanted you to see? I understand now more so than before that my stance on not doing relationships was not based on the fact that I had never really had one. It was because I chose to stay at a distance from all of the men who could have been heartbreakers, probably letting myself down more often than them but it’s what I felt I had to do. After all I had a heartbreaker once and he’s married now to someone else now, with this new dude I don’t know what to make of it and I’m so sick of being done. Like you ever said damn it I’m done and know that you’re really not….and that’s the killer cause you get so fid up so often but haven’t found the off switch. Talking to my best friend last night he said “if you gonna talk to the man or have the talk…then you gotta know what it is that you want to say more specifically what it is that you want or hope to gain from the conversation” now truth be told I want to gain something but what that something is I have no clue. So what do I do cause right now I’m doing nothing and nothing sure as hell won’t turn into something tomorrow so I sit. I could call but what would I say and why would I call what would that prove? Is there anything to prove and will I feel better or worse afterward? So many questions and with no answers only way to get one is to do something….

SDV

Conversations

 

    So a few weeks ago I had a conversation with the guy I like and here’s how it went:

        ”Tell me how you feel” me

        ”Well I think that you’re sweet and caring and funny…”he pauses

        ”Ok…” I listen intently to the silence.

        ”Well say something”

        ”You didn’t answer my question”

        ”Yes I did”

        ”No really you didn’t you told me what you think and I understand what you think it’s and that wasn’t answering the question.” I said getting a little annoyed.

        ”Well what’s the question, stop beating around the bush and ask me what you want to know.”

        ”Well…”I stammer feeling the butterflies rise in my tummy. I hate to deal with how I feel and because I like this dude even hearing how he feels is scary somehow.

        ”How do you feel about me? You’ve already told me what you think, now I want to know how you feel…” I say with an instant force of confidence, now he stammers and I can hear the uneasiness in his voice.

        ”Well I…I like you….I do and I care more about you then you think and man I hate talking about my feelings. I never said anything or thought anything of it because I figured you were always so busy doing your thing         with all your friends…I never thought you even thought of me like that” he says still sounding uneasy and I just listen never saying a word.

        ”Why are you so quiet say something”

        ”I’m just listening to you”

 

    Now it’s a month later after that conversation and nothing is really different and not that I expected things to be different but I thought that they might be. We just talk through text messages or on the phone late at night but nothing more than that he’s been out of town on business for a few weeks and when he comes back I’ll be so busy that we probably won’t see each other hell I’m doubtful that I’ll see anyone. Maybe I’ll see him at some point but part of me wonders if that’s even what I want to do.

SDV ANALEIGH